I'm not impressed with Boaz

Ok so in light of my recent relationship with this girl who for the sake of scandal I will not mention her name, although I know that of the few people that actually read my stuff, you all know about this whole drama, but anyways... with this whole having a godly relationship going on, I have heard that it seems this guy Boaz is quite the role model to follow. That women should look for a Boaz when they're deciding who to be with (in hopes of wedding the guy of course).

I knew about this Boaz guy. I knew that he married Ruth and was all in all a pretty neat guy. I never paid much attention to it simply because...well... Ruth never striked me as a very interesting book... yes yes.. I know.. the whole seeing how God worked out the whole genealogy for Jesus to fulfill all the prophecies and all that, I do realize it's pretty cool, but I'm talking about the character and what he gives us.

So let me give you an idea about Boaz. He is this really rich guy who owns fields all over the place. Ruth is married to this guy who takes her to live with his mom. Her name is Naomi. She had another son who married this other chick and they all live together.
Now Ruth's husband dies, and his brother dies too, so Naomi ends up alone with the two widows. Naomi was a widower too.

So this 3 women were on her own. So Naomi told Orpah (not to be confused with a very famous black millionaire TV host), her daughter in law, to go back to her house with her gods and everything. Orpah left but Ruth stayed out of fidelity, she said in verse 16: "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."

Ok so Naomi was stuck with Ruth which might not be such a bad thing after all.

Later on Naomi sends Ruth to pick up grain from this field that one of Naomi's relatives had. His name was Boaz.
Ruth went to pick up the leftover grain. This was a tradition, btw. The workers would pick up the real harvest and after they were done, poor people would come to pick up the leftover. This was a cool system if you think about it in God's terms. Poor people still get fed, but they have to work to get their food.
Anyway.. Ruth goes and starts picking up the grain in Boaz field.

So after a little bit Boaz comes by and he says hi to the harvesters and he notices Ruth. Now, Ruth obviously was not the only one there. There were other poor people picking up the slack. Check this out, verse 4 and 5:

4 Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, "The LORD be with you!"
"The LORD bless you!" they called back.

5 Boaz asked the foreman of his harvesters, "Whose young woman is that?"

I've noticed girls among crowds.. the only reason why I notice is because they're pretty. Maybe I am the only guy who notices beautiful women, but I have the feeling Boaz was not so different in this area than me. I am sure she was all dirty and sweaty and stuff but there's all kinds of girls who look even better when they're working and look all messy. They have this sexyness exuding as their cheeks are reddened and their hair which is usually flawless is all tangly and dusty.

The foreman answers who she is and what she's been doing and Boaz makes his move. Verse 8

"My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled."

Ok so he's being nice. Ok. He's not putting her to shame by giving her free grain. He does realize that she's working for it and he won't take that honor from her. Ok. She asks why is it that she found such favor from him and Boaz answers in no short terms that because he has heard of what kind of an honorable woman she has been and how she wants to serve God.

Very nice. Now here's the real move:

14 At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar."
When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, "Even if she gathers among the sheaves, don't embarrass her. 16 Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don't rebuke her."

So he's taking her to lunch... sounds like a date to me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying what Boaz is doing is in any way wrong. Not even close. What I'm saying is that he did exactly the same moves that all of us guys do. The difference is that this is a Cinderella story, whereas most of us are not even close to being princes but more like frogs.

Ok so so far so good. The next stuff gets very interesting.

Naomi tells Ruth that she needs to find a better home. So she tells her to put on perfume and go to Boaz after he is done eating and drinking. This Naomi woman knows men very well apparently. Naomi tells her in Chapter 3: When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

Ruth answers: "I will do whatever you say,"

So Boaz was there and the Bible says that after he was done he was in 'good spirits'. The man was drunk. He went to lie down and here's what happens:

Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.

After this Boaz asks her who she is, Ruth says something about him being a kinsman (which is taht he responds for Naomi's debts in case she can't) and since Ruth was with Naomi then there was this situation going on. At this point, Boaz, 'in good spirits' decides to take Ruth. He tells her there's this other kin who is closer to Naomi than him and tells her that if he doesn't buy her, then he will.

This other kinsman comes, Boaz offers him a pretty strange deal. this guy doesn't take it and Boaz happily, and soberly, buys Ruth. Later he marries her and have a child. His name was Obed who was the grand father of David, as in king David, great great great... grandfather of Jesus the Son of God.

Now... why am I not impressed with Boaz? well... first of all, it is pretty obvious to me that the reason why he was interested is because she was beautiful. Yes the being a hardworker helped, but bottom line, he noticed her because she was pretty. There's lots of hard working poor people. I'm sure he saw tons. Most poor people are hard workers. They're not poor for being lazy they're poor because they were born in the wrong family or just circumstances. He had seen tons of hard working poor people but he noticed her. So the idea that Boaz JUST extended grace to her because he saw her character is just not good enough.
I know also that Boaz says that he extended his help because of his fidelity to God, but he only learned this AFTER he inquired about her, not before.

Second, when I was thinking about this, jokingly I tagged him as an alcoholic. Being drunk doesn't make you an alcoholic. I've been drunk and I'm not addicted to alcohol. I won't dismiss Boaz as an alcoholic, first of all because there is merit in being in Jesus genealogy, secondly I don't know the guy and third I don't dismiss people based on their addictions or flaws. I have other dismissal criteria.

My girlfriend told me that I could very much be her Boaz. I thought about it and later I told her, babe, I'd much rather be your David or your Joseph (Mary's Joseph). David, a man of hundreds of mistakes and sins. A man of war but also a weak man inside. Adulterer, murderer, liar, abused of his power, selfish and over confident, but also a man whose heart was like God. How is that possible?

David strikes me as a man who is more real. A man who is possible for me to achieve.

After David slept with Bathsheba, got her pregnant, had her husband killed and then the baby was dying, it finally hit him that he had made a mistake. A very big one. He said: I have sinned against the Lord. And then he went and prayed for the kid:

16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

The child ended up dying. David found out when he asked his servants. And what he does later amazes me every time I read it or remember.

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

He got up from the ground. He washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes. In his darkest hour, when everything was over, he got up and made himself a new man. With amazing symbolism we see what happens with redemption. He washed the filth all over his body, he made sure that people around him couldn't tell where he had been by puttin on lotion and he changed his clothes as a new start.

What he does later is even better:

24 Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The LORD loved him


There it is. Redemption. A man who is true to his emotions and his weaknesses. A man who fell down hard, but got up stronger. I don't doubt Boaz was a great man. I just did all this to give strenght to David's character, but truth is, there is just not enough information about Boaz.

I prefer David just because he's more like... well... me.

For God so...

God is supreme and majestic. His power is endless and his sovereignty is without question. He has met no match, nor he will ever meet in all eternity anyone who is even close to who He is.
He has shown me that the reason why I've been so miserable, the reason why these things happen, the reason why everything in this world happens is so that we, those who are blessed to know Him, see Him at work, and understand that apart from Him nothing exists, nothing is, nothing ever is sufficient without Him.
He has a story to write. A story where the main character is Him, and we are the lucky extras. He unfolds his story through us, and all we can do is sit back and watch.

I just had an unexpected time of brokenness. Again, it was at the notes of a Hillsong track.
Tomorrow I have the most important meeting in my life. Where, the next years of my life will be decided. I don't like it that so much is decided in less than 40 minutes tops. It seems.. so.. easy. Life cannot, should not be decided in such a short period of time.
In this time of brokenness, it is my conviction, simply because by faith I believe that God is a miracle maker, that he took me to a scripture, one of my favorite scriptures of all time. Daniel 3. The Fire Furnace.
Many things are remarkable about this scripture. Besides the miraculous deliverance, the character those 3 Hebrew boys had not to bow down to idols... what remains interesting is what happened to their clothes.
These 3 guys were thrown to the furnace, tied up, their hands had no where to go. Probably their legs were as well. They had no where to go. They were trapped in an impossible situation.

What happens later is amazing. An angel of the Lord came and walked with them inside the furnace. The king and his servants in disbelief took the 3 men out and checked them.
The Bible says that their garments were all in perfect shape. Not even their heads smelled like fire. Not one of their hairs was burned by the fire. What's interesting is that the only thing that was burned were the binds. Verse 25 says: "Look! Nebuchadnezzar shouted, 'I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire. They aren't even hurt by the flames! And the fourth one looks like a divine being!"

They were not touched by the fire. They walked around in it, and they were not bounded anymore.

Isaiah 43:2 says:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I certainly hope something, but truth be told, I don't know what the best is for me, He does. I'm in the furnace right now. I have no where to go.

Tomorrow

A lot is going on. I'm finding refugee in the Word of God, music, friends, family and like never before I am vulnerable. Like never before my sanity and foundation is relying in everybody but me.
See... tomorrow a big chunk of my near future is decided. I fell in love with this girl. The most amazing girl in the world. At least mine, that is all I care. From her witty sense of humor to her perfect smile that melts my heart everytime I look at her, she has just broke into my life with such tenderness and violence that I am hopelessly in love with her.
There is a problem though. I can't be with her. The church I work for has a rule that I can't date her. She is underage and I am not. The penalty for breaking this rule is immediate separation of the church.
Tomorrow I am meeting the man who decides these things. There is much at stake. Too much pressure and a lot of emotions haunt me every minute.
It's funny how I'm finally happy here. If you read my previous posts you would know how miserable I've been here, but in the past months I have found a better day. I have found that it isn't so bad in here. That I was just doing miserable things. That was it. That this girl, my girlfriend, has the power and the grace to bring me closer to God. That He is so amazing and merciful that gifts me, such a wreck, the blessing of her love.
See... God and I have had a weird relationship lately. Only as weird as I made it. I've been close to Him in the past but never like this. He has taken me through all of those passages that preachers ignore on sunday morning. Psalm 102, Hosea... all of the stuff where God is mad and then redeems... That's where God has taken me. He is shaking me and breaking me. 'Quebrantamiento'. I've heard that word a thousand times in the past. It means to be broken. and always thought it was a lifelong process, but truth is I never let Him do it, so He's taking things into His own hands, and it's humbling.

Mark 2.21 says No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the patch tears away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear is made. 22And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins--and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins."

The new wineskin needs to be treated. Needs to be softened. And the process, if the skin could talk, is painful. It means rubbing, stretching, hitting, shaking, twirling.. anything that ends in 'ing' and sounds funny has to happen so that he can pour new wine.
A very dear friend of mine said she was obviously concerned but in the midst of it all, she was excited for me. That God was at work.

He certainly is.

Attacking Hell with squirt guns

Let me get straight to the point here. I'm a fan of build ups, but here, I'll just get to it.
God is pretty cool. I don't have time to explain why, but I'm telling you, He is. So, stop right now, take 5 seconds and think about this astounding truth, then comment why you think I'm wrong, or why you think I'm right.

Evangelism Sucks

Let's cut to the chase: most evangelism sucks. Generally, the only people who dislike it more than the unbelievers being evangelized are the Christians doing the evangelizing. Now, that may sound odd, but as one of the dutifully conscience bound saints, I can testify that I hated sharing my faith with unbelievers.

Why such angst? Because nobody really wants to be a jerk, and yet no one really wants to see their friends burn in hell either. I shared my faith because I felt like I had too, and the results were unequivocally dismal. Ask an honest believer and you'll find this is a common sentiment.

Now, Christians typically respond in one of three ways:

• a) we try and pretend that evangelism doesn't matter

• b) we know that it does, but we just shut our mouths anyway and don't say anything (feeling guilty all the while), -OR-

• c) we start looking for a secret formula, the right ingredient which is "guaranteed to produce results" (just like all those emails that promise to add 3 inches of you-know-what to you-know-where). We think evangelism can be reduced to a technique.

Listen, I am convinced that in our increasingly post-modern society, hard-sell, cold-call, door-to-door, "God has a wonderful plan for your life" evangelism is the socio-cultural equivalent of electronic spam. Send enough of it and you may see results. But you'll tick an awful lot of people off in the process.

At the same time, I am equally convinced that evangelism is exactly what God intends for the church to be doing. Its not an optional thing. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if we want to take the Bible seriously, we need to see evangelism as part and parcel of the ordinary Christian experience. To be a Christian is to be evangelistic. To share our faith.

Eph 4:15 tells us to "speak the truth in love." Paul doesn't just just have other Christians in view here - we need to be truthful and honest with non-believers as well. And that's precisely what so many people don't like about Scripture - it has some really hard things to say about our eternal destiny and stuff like that if we won't tow the line and play according to Jesus' rules. Jesus himself said some pretty harsh things, like "no one comes to the father but through me." Ouch. Not exactly words of tolerance.

So where does this leave us? Actually, forget about you - where does that leave me? You see, I want to plant churches, churches that reach unbelievers even, and that generally involves, well, uh...evangelism! Holy converts, Batman!

First, we need to get something straight: if you think that God loves you more because you share your faith (or less because you don't), you don't understand the gospel. God does not love you more or less because of what you do - he loves you solely because of what Christ has already done, and the way you gain his favor is by putting your faith in Christ's work, not your own.

I'm not pointing the finger at you here - I'm pointing it at me, because for years I didn't get this fundamental fact. Yet its this fundamental fact that makes the good news, "good news".

Whether we like it or not, Jesus believed in Hell (and frankly, I think he probably knows more than any of us ever will). But he also believed in Heaven. And he said that all I have to do to get there is realize that I can't get there on my own - that I need his righteousness because mine is like filthy rags (think dirty diapers, folks). And the way I get that righteousness is simply by believing his promise - both to give and to guarantee it on my behalf.

Now listen, what I am saying here is for all of us Christians. We don't need to worry about what God thinks about us when we share our faith (or when we don't). And that promise is tremendously liberating. It means I can relax a bit, have a beer, and just be myself. Around myself. And around non-Christians (trust me on this - most non-Christians will appreciate it if you just relax and have a beer).

What I'm talking about here is preaching the gospel to yourself. Now here's the cool part. Whatever gospel I preach to myself, whatever thing I think commends me to God - that is what I will offer to others. We cannot help but do otherwise. And as we start to undestand the gospel in terms of believing God's promises about what he has done for us, that realization will change the way we share our faith with others.

The concept that I'm talking about is called "Lifestyle Evangelism," and I'll write more about that in the next day or two.

Nobody cares about your blog

I know. Just the same, maybe I'll get some interesting input. I have... a couple. I think of this a little bit as a journal, since it feels so empty to write a journal just to myself. A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a cool journal book that I was supposed to use to write on it. I did for a while. Then I remembered I don't like to handwrite, so I just stopped. I've tried journaling with Word files in my computer but I don't know... it's not the same. I find it depressing to write to myself. So I write to anyone but me.
I asked recently to a friend when did life get so serious. When did pain started to be less physical but more spiritual.. more in the soul. It's deeper and more relevant. Tonight it's one of those infamous nights. I feel miserable. I'm not happy. I want to go home.. funny thing is that I'm at my parents house so I should feel like home.
I don't really think I should be writing... I don't care. I'm sad...I give myself a license to be pathetic when I'm sad. Just like this blog.. it's pathetic in itself...I'll erase the whole thing when I am convinced I'm not going to be sad anymore. I've been sad for a while. I've been alone for a while. It seemed to get better the last weeks, but it doesn't seem like it anymore.. so I'm back... the dark gloomy me. Isn't it funny?

I came to a realization about God recently though. I was going to keep it to myself but whatever..

See... the Bible makes it very clear that if you can't keep your sexual desire at ease you should get married. now I know those were different times, blah blah blah.. but I like that. There are few, very few people who are called to singlehood apparently. I don't really think that is true, I think singlehood is not a permanent calling but a temporary one, and if you are single for your entire life it's for 2 reasons, 1, you suck with women (since looks can be defeated with speech and personality), 2, you chose to be single.
Now, what I read from these two ideas is that a good sign that a man CANNOT be single is because his/her sexual desire is so much aroused. Everyone has sexual desires, whoever denies it is a liar and lives in stupid denial, but some have it more at ease than others.
I'm the type that has it high. Yes, yes... if you're a highschooler and you know me, go tell, whatever. Maybe yours is even worse than mine. Call me.
Ok.. seriously... If a person is so sexual that he is part of the 98% of the population who thinks of sex every 2.3 minutes, then I have to believe that he cannot be alone and was wired (predestined.. for my calvinist friends... Jesus still loves you..) to be married so he can get laid.

So.. here's my realization about God. Like I've mentoined it before, my understanding of God's sovereignty it's his prerrogative to, yes, determine, certain parts of the history of mankind, a persons behavior or story of his life. I see his sovereignty in the birth of Jesus. It was necessary for Him to predestine so many things so that Jesus could fulfill so many profecies, and I see it also when he hardened Pharaoh's heart with the whole Moses and the Israelites. I see man's choice when Abraham chose to obey God and take his son to be sacrificed.
Now... this small statement is to make you understand where I come from when I say this: I can take almost anything from God. I can take it that he takes away money, friends, job, family, car, computer, anything... I'll take it... I don't blame God for how the first 4 months I lived in FL I had NO SALARY AT ALL... He was faithful and I survived really well.. very few times I didn't have a meal to eat... the one thing however I just know I won't take from Him.. the one thing I just know I won't be able to take from Him is if He blocks marriage from me.
It makes me feel a little less godly to reach this realization but I am just being honest here.

What about you?

Ted Haggard

It is with some heavyness that I write this. Ted Haggard, pastor of one of the most influential christian churches in America recently confessed that he sought escort services from a man, giving him massages and having sex for over 3 years. He stepped down as a pastor of this church. He is married with 5 kids.
It is sad to hear this, but this isn't the worse news.
In any crisis, in every problem, people will take sides. Ted Haggard, a man that for over 20 years he built one of the most important churches in America, wrote books, spoke in conferences, counseled hundreds of people, married some more, baptized dozens of newborns, prayed with hundred of new believers, this very man has fallen, and just as the big ones often do, his fall is stounding.
One of the sides, my side, stand by him, admitting the truth. He is still a man who is capable of making mistakes. His heart, his ministry has nothing to do with this.
The other side, the side that scares me, is the side who condemns him. The side who in a few days will have a public bonfire in the church's parking lot burning all of his books. The side that will rebaptize their kids and forget in a matter of seconds all of what this man did.
It is so easy to take this side. It makes us feel more righteous. Blemishless. It is easy because he is fallen. But it isn't right.

I think of David. King, shepard, champion. A warrior. Brave and untamable. Victorious and in love with God. One day he sleeps with a married woman, gets her pregnant, kills her husband so taht he doesn't have to deal with the problem. Adulterer. Murderer. Imagine if David lived today and he did this. My friends are already dismissing all of what Haggard did because of this that happened. His ministry is invalid. All that he taught is tainted by the filthyness of his sin... sigh...
What did God do about it? What does God do all the time? He gives you time to clean your mess. When you don't and the damage you're doing is far too much, he takes matter in his own hands and makes it public. That's what happened with David. Bathsheba is knocked up by David, he freaks out, has the husband killed and he thinks he's solved the problem. Wrong.
God sends Nathan, he rebuckes him, the thing becomes public.
David realizes of his mistake and he repents. The baby is born and he's dying. David prays for him day and night. The crisis is too much to bear. His kingdom is in jeopardy. A righteous man, blameless. The hero of his nation faces the worse trial in his life. Not bears or giants. Huge armies of trained soldiers.. nothign compares to the severing sword of people's judging vicious eyes. Especially those that looked up to David. So many friends. So many people who knew him from the day he killed Goliath. True followers now turned his back to him knowing his king was a murderer.
David was alone but yet, he faced his weakness, knelt and prayed.

Finally the baby dies and here's what the Bible says he does:

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

What happens later is beautiful. David comforts a broken Bathsheba and now he does things right. He fixes the mistake and God restores things. Not only David's life was restored but his kingdom overcame the worst crisis in its history. God also restored David's lineage. Solomon is born.

See... in the Bible there are two types of sin. According to its consequences that is. One is the type of sin that goes against God's holiness. Inmorality, unholy sacrifices, etc. The consequences are bad but they are always accompanied by ful restoration. The other type are the sins against God's authority. These sins are dreadful. The people who refused to be under authority lost it all. Think Saul. Think the people who tried to touch the ark of the covenant. Think Lot's wife. She was told NOT TO turn back and see Sodom, what happened? she dies.

Ted Haggards sin is a serious one. He has hurt a lot of people and it's a very sad story. However, I believe in redemption. I believe God is just and will not forsake this man who has served Him for so long. I believe that God is a rewarder and that if anything, this is only something that Haggard needed to deal with, but sometimes one needs to lose it all to really win.

Speaking of all this man has done. I think of Nehemiah. Read the whole thing. This man is a tremendous leader. There's a crisis with his people. And he's desperate, he starts telling God all of what he's done and look at what he says in Chapter 5:

22 [...] Remember this good deed also, O my God! Have compassion on me according to your great and unfailing love.



God is faithful and he remembers

Now don't get me wrong, there will be serious consequences for both Haggard and the church. Not only New Life but all around the world. It's just a law of heaven. The reap and sow law.

Galatians 6:7-9

7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

I know God will forgive and restore.

I just wonder if the church, my church, us christians as a body are able to forgive, and mostly, forget.

13 Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD."
Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.

Sadam's verdict

There’s an interesting article by Robert Frisk which highlights the hypocrisy underpinning the whole affair:

‘So America’s one-time ally has been sentenced to death for war crimes he committed when he was Washington’s best friend in the Arab world. America knew all about his atrocities and even supplied the gas - along with the British, of course - yet there we were yesterday declaring it to be, in the White House’s words, another “great day for Iraq”.’
[Robert Frisk, ‘This was a guilty verdict on America as well’, The Independent, 6.11.6]

Rhema

There are two words used in Hebrew for the word 'word'> one is 'logos' which is simply the complete word of God, and then there's Rhema, which basically is the word of God made alive by the power of the Holy Spirit, brought to our attention because it is applicable at some particular situation that we are living at that point. Rhema

I've been talking about being here and not being back home and all that. My discontemptness (is that a word) and all of that. Well.. last Sunday at a High School Bible Study something interesting happened. A Rhema moment if I may.
Acts 18.9-11
The context of it is that Paul is trying to preach to the Jews and they won't listen to him. In other words, his ministry is innefective. So he's tired of this and wants to quit and instead go preach to the gentiles, the type of people he was with before.. One night he gets a vision and here's what God tells him:
"Don't be afraid! Speak out! Don't be silent! For I am with you, and no one will ham you because many people here in this city belong to me" So Paul stayed there for the next year and a half teaching the word of God.
Now, what's interesting here as the in the previous verses the Bible never talks about Paul being afraid, if anything, he was discontent and mad (check v.6) For some reason God saw fear in him, although it wasn't obvious enough for the author of Acts to point it out.
Anyway, this word was extremely interesting to notice. Could I apply this to my life? At the time I thought I did, but something's been happening that challenges this.
My church back home is going through a very rough time. A main leader is gone, with him some others have left, the general situation is chaotic, and vulnerable. They are in dire need of leaders.
Talking to my mom today I asked her if she thought it would be a good idea for me to go back. AFter all, I know this church, the ministry,I have certainly learned a lot here, and many of the areas that this pastor had I can take over. One of them particularly (youth camp) I was already supposed to take over. So obviously she mentioned school and all that and my goals but, I believe that one's calling is to serve. I believe that priorities sometimes give you the chance to pick between to important choices, but one of them is always more important. And here, being here versus being there, I see, so far, that with the crisis that my church is going through, it is more important to go help.
A friend of mine mentioned to me something very true. That I shouldn't take a decision that later I would regret. Also, she said something that gave a new meanning to this. She said that I should be where I am more comfortable and happy, but I don't think that is the case.
I think of Jonah. Hated Niniveh and God told him to go preach to them. He refused, God made a big fish eat him, had 3 days to think about it then he went out, told everyone in Niniveh that if they didn't repent God would blow them up, and they did. The king turned back to God, burned all their idols and everyone was happy. Except Jonah. He was mad that they got saved. Obviously he was uncomfortable. He even said that he'd rather be dead than to see that happen. Still, he obeyed. He did the right thing in God's sight.

The story ends abruptly, although God's point is clear. But Jonah's story ends there. No record of what he did after God burned his head. Nothing. These mysteries that God sets up are interesting and force me to pray. So, that I'll do. I wish my head not to burn on fire.

My people

I mostly use this blog thing to whine. The weather, the people, the youth ministry, american culture, the wacko scientologists... you name it.
This time, this is different. As you probably know, I am from Mexico. A latino in case you didn't know that Mexico is a country and thought that mexican was just another way to say 'not american, short, with darker skin funny eyes and big nose, usually chubby'.
Being in the States makes me miss what I left behind. This is such a cold culture. I miss it back home I guess. Lately I've been searching news about bands in Mexico and Latin American in general and I have found joy and inspiration.
Marcos Witt, RoJO, Jesus Adrian Romero, Danilo Montero, Elena Witt, Libertad Band, Edgar Lira, Muertos una Vez, all of these names probably you've never heard before, but still, these people are making a HUGE difference in not only L.America but all around the world. All of these are either musicians or worship leaders.
I find that I feel closer to God through music. I know that even in my deepest darkness, if I play a worship song, Digno eres Tu by RoJO or Hasta que ya no respire mas, EVERYTIME God will speak to me. It's like this songs are tatooed in my soul and everytime i hear them something ignites inside of me that inspires me to be the man I can be.
I know I screw up and in general my power of will sucks. I know I break God's heart almost everyday and it hurts that I can't help it. But lately, hearing what's happening in my country and all around, with people that, some of them I know. Hearing the needs and mostly the advances in ministry that are being made...I am excited to the max about it.
In not knowing where I belong I find that home, where I was born is always there for me. It burns inside of me. A passion for my people and the burning ache that I have not forgotten the land I left behind, and I am fighting here.
That I have found many good things here, but I never want to lose that capacity to be in awe. To be surprised. I have found that americans, because they usually give 'the next big thing', they are hardly ever surprised. They've tried everything, they've done it before like that, it just doesn't work like that, and we need to boost the schock value otherwise our message won't go through.

Spoiled. Give us a fun game before the band plays and a message with no slides but that talks to us about the truth of the Kingdom. Don't give us games and money and free pizza but a purpose in life. Don't tell them they need more rules and boundaries, but instead give them a sense of what Jesus wants for their lives, but mostly why He does. Let them help people and impact their community. It burns in them. Don't ever stop because someone's done it before and they failed. Don't ever stop because you think 'kids won't respond'. Young people are the people who can change our culture. They are the new music, the new art, the new leaders and the new preachers. We are the current big thing.
In my country it's more tha enough just to know that we'll always have the friends. That we have each other all the time. Even with no money, no fancy building with videogames or even free anything. We have each other and we have God. We are not alone.

In my life I've never felt more alone than since I got here to Florida. A friend of mine pointed that I am discontent. Fair observation. However, just by seeing the myspaces of people around Latin America and what they're doing. The new music and who they are, I can feel the latin embrace again in my heart, and for once, it's not so lonely anymore.

Two men

All my life I've been someone. Or, at the very least, the search of someone. Life goes like this. You are born, you start to get a sense of self, not only from what your parents try to teach you, but mostly from what others are. Which, in that sense, 'others' include your parents. So basically you are who others make you.
Me, I knew from the beginning I would have problems with rules. I always sucked as a student. Never did homework, never took notes, I was late for class, never studied, I even got a teacher fired. I always found that the people that bored and that for some celestial reason they were above me I would do everything I could do to rattle them, make their lives impossible and hate me. Why, I don't know.
These past months have been a discovery. I guess I am more aware than ever that I am a christian. Whether the failures or the constant exposure to ministry I have. The fact that I do this for a living or whatever the reason, I've never been more aware of it than now, and it's never hurt so much.
See... I am used to be who I am. I am used to be quick and short. I like things my way, I am a smartass and I dismiss people who in my eyes are not worth the effort. I know i am very emotional, don't get me wrong here, but for some reason, being a jerk just happens naturally to me. It's just easier. Makes more sense if you will.
Being a christian for me, so far, has been a journey of the few moments of joy where God and I meet. Most of those times have been when I fall to my knees and pour the filth out of my heart to Him, and He handles the rest of it.
There's a song by Switchfoot that talks about how he's on fire when He's near him, he's on fire when He speaks. It's like that with me. I can be on fire so long but I guess I become too aware that I am on fire and it feels like that. Like a moment. So short and so fragile, that it will eventually die on its own.
It's like I know I'm trying and I know I'm doing my best to do things differently. To be a better man and to be who I can be. But in that awareness I find discomfort and disappointment, because it doesn't feel natural. You may argue that 'of course it doesn't feel natural! we're all sinners'. I agree. But I am also a new creature through Him.
Most of the time, I don't feel like one.
I said at the beginning that we are what others make us. This is true, but it's incomplete. There's also what God says about us, and that is what's true.

I am stuck between two men. One, the one I know. I am him everyday and it's easy and full of sense. It suits me well. If you asked anyone about me, you would get a description of this 'man A'.
Then there's 'man B'. The man who is burning inside to know God and please Him. Who has a deep calling from above to make a difference and impact wherever he is. THe man who is victorious and a warrior. The man who is not afraid and is led by the King.

Regretfully, man B rarely shows up, and usually late. Man B is God's man, the one He says I am, and I believe Him. I just fight like Jacob fought until he got that everlasting mark. He would never be the same after that fight. I am in that fight, and I'm not winning.

The Garden Part I

Luke 22:39-46

39 Then, accompanied by the disciples, Jesus left the upstairs room and went as usual to the Mount of Olives. 40 There he told them, “Pray that you will not give in to temptation.”

41 He walked away, about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” 43 Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him. 44 He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.^[e]

45 At last he stood up again and returned to the disciples, only to find them asleep, exhausted from grief. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation.”

Danilo Montero, a worship leader, author and speaker said these words that have changed my life.

The events that changed the history of the Universe happened in a Garden. It
It was in a garden where Lucifer betrayed the calling of God and he fell. It was in a Garden where Adam decided to follow his own will and broke us all. It was in a garden where God solved our destiny. It was in a garden where the Son of God was tempted to follow the easy way.
A few hours before Jesus was arrested and hanged to a cross. He would be tortured by the Romans. The calling was very difficult. In the moment that Jesus would give out his spirit, he would not hear the heavenly symphonies. But he would hear the screams of hell itself because that where he would go for love of us. For three he would be in the pit of darkness. For 3 days he would not see the face of His father. But he would only feel the silence of the judgement of God that you and I deserved. Which is why as he prayed in that Garden, he prayed, Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me.
Jesus fought and in the inside he said I want to do the will of God, but as a human he said, it's too much this price there is to pay.
We've heard many times that Jesus suffered this so that you and I don't have to suffer it. But I can tell you something different. I can tell you that Jesus suffered this to open the way. But the way to get character is discovered in the Garden of our lives. Where we decide to do the will of God or do our own will. This is a decision to be made every day of our lives, many times.
I can't fight my battles. Especially does that involve pleasing God. There is no strenght in me. But I see my Master on that rock saying Father, I can't. That's why I pray this cold night. Because in prayer I find my exit. On my kness I find my victory to stand. In Your presence I find the grace to make my heart strong. And when he prayed, an angel was sent. And laying a hand on his shoulder, talked with him for a few minutes. Nobody knows what they talked about, but I've thought a little about this, and I imagine that he said something like this:


"Master, I've been sent to counsel the creator of Wisdom. I've been sent to consol who is
consoling Himself. I've been sent to give strenght to the One who holds the universe together." And with a smile the angel continued, "how could I do such a thing? You made me. You gave me my name. I've served you all this time in the Kingdom of your Father. I respect you so much that I can't even lift my eyes to see the beauty of your face. But I've been sent and us angels we do what we are told to do. And that is why I am here. What could I say to you? Captain of all armies of light. I know you know that in the moment you moan of pain, thousand of celestial soldiers we would come down in a matter of seconds, and we would get you out of here, not before first slaying all your enemies. But you gave us orders that none of us could move one finger in this hour. And although we desire to crush these your enemies, someone has told us that you love them so much, despite they hate you... we can't do anything. I want to tell you one thing, it hurts us to see you fight. If you asked me, I would never let anyone touch you. But you chose this way. And that is why we respect you. You are the Lamb of God. You are the Only one who can open the door. You are the only one, Lord, if you don't do it, they will have no hope. The disgrace of sin will keep them away forever and ever. But you are the Lamb who overcame.

I have named this angel. I think his name is Grace. Because he comes in the moment where you need it the most. Because it comes when we bend our knees and even when it hurts our flesh and pride we say 'I can't' So God takes over. You will not know the grace of God until you are on your knees, until you admit you are only human. You will not receive the strenght of God until you search your own weakness.

So the Son of God stood up, lifted up his hands and said, Father not my will, but yours