Tomorrow

A lot is going on. I'm finding refugee in the Word of God, music, friends, family and like never before I am vulnerable. Like never before my sanity and foundation is relying in everybody but me.
See... tomorrow a big chunk of my near future is decided. I fell in love with this girl. The most amazing girl in the world. At least mine, that is all I care. From her witty sense of humor to her perfect smile that melts my heart everytime I look at her, she has just broke into my life with such tenderness and violence that I am hopelessly in love with her.
There is a problem though. I can't be with her. The church I work for has a rule that I can't date her. She is underage and I am not. The penalty for breaking this rule is immediate separation of the church.
Tomorrow I am meeting the man who decides these things. There is much at stake. Too much pressure and a lot of emotions haunt me every minute.
It's funny how I'm finally happy here. If you read my previous posts you would know how miserable I've been here, but in the past months I have found a better day. I have found that it isn't so bad in here. That I was just doing miserable things. That was it. That this girl, my girlfriend, has the power and the grace to bring me closer to God. That He is so amazing and merciful that gifts me, such a wreck, the blessing of her love.
See... God and I have had a weird relationship lately. Only as weird as I made it. I've been close to Him in the past but never like this. He has taken me through all of those passages that preachers ignore on sunday morning. Psalm 102, Hosea... all of the stuff where God is mad and then redeems... That's where God has taken me. He is shaking me and breaking me. 'Quebrantamiento'. I've heard that word a thousand times in the past. It means to be broken. and always thought it was a lifelong process, but truth is I never let Him do it, so He's taking things into His own hands, and it's humbling.

Mark 2.21 says No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the patch tears away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear is made. 22And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins--and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins."

The new wineskin needs to be treated. Needs to be softened. And the process, if the skin could talk, is painful. It means rubbing, stretching, hitting, shaking, twirling.. anything that ends in 'ing' and sounds funny has to happen so that he can pour new wine.
A very dear friend of mine said she was obviously concerned but in the midst of it all, she was excited for me. That God was at work.

He certainly is.