Nobody cares about your blog
I know. Just the same, maybe I'll get some interesting input. I have... a couple. I think of this a little bit as a journal, since it feels so empty to write a journal just to myself. A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a cool journal book that I was supposed to use to write on it. I did for a while. Then I remembered I don't like to handwrite, so I just stopped. I've tried journaling with Word files in my computer but I don't know... it's not the same. I find it depressing to write to myself. So I write to anyone but me.
I asked recently to a friend when did life get so serious. When did pain started to be less physical but more spiritual.. more in the soul. It's deeper and more relevant. Tonight it's one of those infamous nights. I feel miserable. I'm not happy. I want to go home.. funny thing is that I'm at my parents house so I should feel like home.
I don't really think I should be writing... I don't care. I'm sad...I give myself a license to be pathetic when I'm sad. Just like this blog.. it's pathetic in itself...I'll erase the whole thing when I am convinced I'm not going to be sad anymore. I've been sad for a while. I've been alone for a while. It seemed to get better the last weeks, but it doesn't seem like it anymore.. so I'm back... the dark gloomy me. Isn't it funny?
I came to a realization about God recently though. I was going to keep it to myself but whatever..
See... the Bible makes it very clear that if you can't keep your sexual desire at ease you should get married. now I know those were different times, blah blah blah.. but I like that. There are few, very few people who are called to singlehood apparently. I don't really think that is true, I think singlehood is not a permanent calling but a temporary one, and if you are single for your entire life it's for 2 reasons, 1, you suck with women (since looks can be defeated with speech and personality), 2, you chose to be single.
Now, what I read from these two ideas is that a good sign that a man CANNOT be single is because his/her sexual desire is so much aroused. Everyone has sexual desires, whoever denies it is a liar and lives in stupid denial, but some have it more at ease than others.
I'm the type that has it high. Yes, yes... if you're a highschooler and you know me, go tell, whatever. Maybe yours is even worse than mine. Call me.
Ok.. seriously... If a person is so sexual that he is part of the 98% of the population who thinks of sex every 2.3 minutes, then I have to believe that he cannot be alone and was wired (predestined.. for my calvinist friends... Jesus still loves you..) to be married so he can get laid.
So.. here's my realization about God. Like I've mentoined it before, my understanding of God's sovereignty it's his prerrogative to, yes, determine, certain parts of the history of mankind, a persons behavior or story of his life. I see his sovereignty in the birth of Jesus. It was necessary for Him to predestine so many things so that Jesus could fulfill so many profecies, and I see it also when he hardened Pharaoh's heart with the whole Moses and the Israelites. I see man's choice when Abraham chose to obey God and take his son to be sacrificed.
Now... this small statement is to make you understand where I come from when I say this: I can take almost anything from God. I can take it that he takes away money, friends, job, family, car, computer, anything... I'll take it... I don't blame God for how the first 4 months I lived in FL I had NO SALARY AT ALL... He was faithful and I survived really well.. very few times I didn't have a meal to eat... the one thing however I just know I won't take from Him.. the one thing I just know I won't be able to take from Him is if He blocks marriage from me.
It makes me feel a little less godly to reach this realization but I am just being honest here.
What about you?
I asked recently to a friend when did life get so serious. When did pain started to be less physical but more spiritual.. more in the soul. It's deeper and more relevant. Tonight it's one of those infamous nights. I feel miserable. I'm not happy. I want to go home.. funny thing is that I'm at my parents house so I should feel like home.
I don't really think I should be writing... I don't care. I'm sad...I give myself a license to be pathetic when I'm sad. Just like this blog.. it's pathetic in itself...I'll erase the whole thing when I am convinced I'm not going to be sad anymore. I've been sad for a while. I've been alone for a while. It seemed to get better the last weeks, but it doesn't seem like it anymore.. so I'm back... the dark gloomy me. Isn't it funny?
I came to a realization about God recently though. I was going to keep it to myself but whatever..
See... the Bible makes it very clear that if you can't keep your sexual desire at ease you should get married. now I know those were different times, blah blah blah.. but I like that. There are few, very few people who are called to singlehood apparently. I don't really think that is true, I think singlehood is not a permanent calling but a temporary one, and if you are single for your entire life it's for 2 reasons, 1, you suck with women (since looks can be defeated with speech and personality), 2, you chose to be single.
Now, what I read from these two ideas is that a good sign that a man CANNOT be single is because his/her sexual desire is so much aroused. Everyone has sexual desires, whoever denies it is a liar and lives in stupid denial, but some have it more at ease than others.
I'm the type that has it high. Yes, yes... if you're a highschooler and you know me, go tell, whatever. Maybe yours is even worse than mine. Call me.
Ok.. seriously... If a person is so sexual that he is part of the 98% of the population who thinks of sex every 2.3 minutes, then I have to believe that he cannot be alone and was wired (predestined.. for my calvinist friends... Jesus still loves you..) to be married so he can get laid.
So.. here's my realization about God. Like I've mentoined it before, my understanding of God's sovereignty it's his prerrogative to, yes, determine, certain parts of the history of mankind, a persons behavior or story of his life. I see his sovereignty in the birth of Jesus. It was necessary for Him to predestine so many things so that Jesus could fulfill so many profecies, and I see it also when he hardened Pharaoh's heart with the whole Moses and the Israelites. I see man's choice when Abraham chose to obey God and take his son to be sacrificed.
Now... this small statement is to make you understand where I come from when I say this: I can take almost anything from God. I can take it that he takes away money, friends, job, family, car, computer, anything... I'll take it... I don't blame God for how the first 4 months I lived in FL I had NO SALARY AT ALL... He was faithful and I survived really well.. very few times I didn't have a meal to eat... the one thing however I just know I won't take from Him.. the one thing I just know I won't be able to take from Him is if He blocks marriage from me.
It makes me feel a little less godly to reach this realization but I am just being honest here.
What about you?
posted by Havoc at 9:20 PM
2 comments
