Scientology case from Boston Legal

-Scientology was invented by Ron Hubbard who started out as a fiction writer. Who said, and I quote, "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion"
-People like you take that way out of context
-People like me? what is that? non believers? Lawyers? ...What's an engram?
-It's basically a psychic scar. It's the origin of illness.
-And life according to Scientology is about reading your engrams. You do this by pursuing a path of enlightenment known as.. the bridge to total freedom. And at each state of the bridge you are audited by a senior church member who hooks you up to an electronic device... an electropsychometer...
After you go through all the stages you become an operating tethan. And OTs as they're called are said to be able to communicate with animals.. move inanimate objects, leave their bodies at will. Are tethans inmortal?
- It's been said
- In fact, scientologist believe brother Hubbard will return..
- And Christians believe Jesus Christ will return. Are they all nuts?
- Most. Scientology also believes that 75 million years ago an evil galactic warlord by the name of Xenu, dumped 13 trillion aliens from different planets and then vaporized them with Hidrogen bombs.. you are famliar with this?
- Yes
-And the radioactive souls of these poor galactic creatures continued to enter into our bodies implanting engrams and false ideas about Christ and God and Psychiatry and that is why we have to purge ourselves of all these engrams...
-Yes
- And when one releases an engram, this is often accompanied by yawns, tears, sweat, odor.. panting, urine, vomiting... So basically everytime you piss, puke or crap you're a step closer to immortality.
After this he farts in court and says
-Getting closer as I speak

Closing argument after defense attorney argued freedom of religion.

Oh please... it's a dumb freedom... an employee's behavior, reflects on the employer's. In this case it's a law firm. This guy's running around saying men evolved from a big clam after galactic world wars, invaded our volcanos. He's a nutjob.
And I don't know about you but I'm getting a little tired of this freedom of religion thing.. when did religion get such a good name anyway? Be the crusades.. reaffirmation genocidies... th etroubles in north ireland, the middle east mass slaughters supposedly in the name of Alah.. and then of course the obligatory recirpocus retributions.. hundreds of millions of people have died in religious conflicts. Hitler did his bussiness in the name of his creator, 9/11 was an act of religious extremism, it's our greatest threat today.. the holy war.. if we're not ready to strip religion of its sacred cow status, how about we at least scale back a little on its constitucinal dogma exalting it is all get out.
-Your honor.. I would like to know what this has to do with my client
-Your client was fired because he entered into an ad-will employement contract, he acted like a complete lun, and now he tries to cloak himself in a constitucional ammendement that is as overplayed as it is missapplied.... Everybody should get to believe in God, pray to his god, worship his god, of course.. but to impose it on others to victimize other in his name, the founding fathers of this country set out to prevent persecution, not to license it. And for a Jerry Espenson struggling with his law firm, don't tell me he's not victimized when one of his lawyers bounces around telling clients and attorneys that according to his latest electropsychometer reading he's getting closer to immortality in which way he'll able to leave his body and talk to zebras.... And at certain point we have to say enough of this freedom of religion crap.