The song

There was a time when I didn't think too much about things. I think I was 2 or 3. Today there's way too many things in my head to even cope with. Is it my job, the fact that I'm in a place that I can't call home, that I am easily satisfied in the things that don't matter, but in those that make the difference, I just can't seem to find rest.
I like music and I do music. It's been a while since I wrote a song. As you know I am a christian, but if by that you understand a guy that only watches Disney movies and almost vomits at the thought of MTV you are terribly wrong. I am a christian in the sense that I believe that Jesus is God and that he yearns for me to draw near to Him. I believe he is very much alive and with astounding thunders or quiet whispers He seems to call my attention.
In the past, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, I wrote a couple of songs about God and they sound a lot like anything you would hear in a Sunday morning service. Today, I don't think I could write a song that sounds like quite like that. I am so different now. Right now I have more questions than answers. It's not that God has changed or even my perception about has changed at all. It's not that I think that God isn't as big or impressive as he was for me 4 years ago, it's just that today the things that are inside of me are perhaps more personal.
I wonder why is it that although I believe in Him and I know he is the best I can choose, I just can choose Him when given the change. I struggle with the fact that I know I can love Him much better than I do, and that sometimes I wish I didn't know Him for my life would be somewhat easier. I know that saying that I wish I didn't know God is not the usual you hear from a godly man, but this is simply what's inside me.
So there we go, I will write new songs and hope that in doing so, I move something in heaven.